Troubles
by PandyDawn
Summary: Troubles can over take a person. And if you keep thinking about them they can bury you alive. They can make a person do unexpected things. And in the end they might even harm themselves.
1. Starting of a New Year

~September 2~  
  
The loud beeping of the alarm clock filled my ears. I didnt make any movements to turn it off as I had been regretting this day all summer. Today was the day where all the Degrassi students would step back in that building. The building that I hated to see everyday.Me, Terri was going back to school.  
  
Slowly my hand raised and pushed the button of the clock. Pushing myself up from bed I looked over to the clothes laying on my dresser that was picked out by me for today. Slipping on my pair of flare jeans and my pink short sleeved shirt I looked over to the clock 7:00, just enough time to put up my hair and slap on some make-up before school.  
  
Going down the stairs my dad sar on our green sofa with a glass of coffee,"Ready to go,Kiddo?",he asked me with a wide grin.  
  
I nodded,"I guess as ready as I'll ever be",I followed him out to are cream colored Ford Taurus. He jumped into the driver's seat and waited for me to take a seat. I plopped my purple backpack in the back as I seated next to him.  
  
It was raining today. Looking out of the wet windows I thought about my previous years.And hoped to god that this one would be better. I had always been friends with, Paige, Hazel, and Ashley. Sure I got along pretty good with everyone. Never really having any enemies. And perhaps that could be because I was always in the background. I never really spoke much, being a shy person. Good things always seemed to happen to Paige and Hazel. They were the popular, beautiful, and not to mention thin girls that every guy seemed to want. They always talked to me about relationships, boys and such. Me myself I had never had a boyfriend I was the fat ugly girl that no one took a second glance at.  
  
The car pulled to a stop as we were infront of Degrassi school. I pushed the door open,"Have a good day at school Terri",my dad told me.  
  
Faking a smile,"I will, Dad",I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and shut the car door. I didnt bother looking back as the car drove away behind me. This year had to be better. I would make it if I had to.  
Making myself go up the long stairs to Degrassi was harder to do then I thought. Seeing alot of familiar faces I made myself smile at most of them. Someone tapped on my shoulder as I turned around to see Ashley and Craig smiling and looking as happy as ever.  
"Hey Terr..",Ashley walked up the stairs right beside me.  
"Hey Im going to see Sean...Seeya girls later",he smiled at us. One of those smiles a boy could give a girl that would make here pratically melt.I couldnt tell you how badly I wanted Craig. How badly last year I just wanted to give him hugs and kisses while he greived from the lost of his father. He was the only guy who would actually stay behind and actually have a conversation with me.But he was Ashley's and I could not even think even think of trying to be with him. For one thing Ashley was my friend and I would never take her guy. And the other reason its not like he or any other boy would take a second glance at me. I was just Terri the girl who was always friends with Ashley,Hazel, or Paige.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The building looked the same as it had always. There was great exciment around due to the first day of school.Walking up the steps to the main room of the building Hazel ran up to me. This summer I had really been trying to get over my rape. And to get the name Dean out of my head. I had finally confessed the scene to my mom who had immedietly suggested that counciling would help. I had also went to meeting and talked to other girls that had been raped too. I hadnt kept very close contact with friends from school. And now heading up the stone stairs I wasnt even sure I wanted to see them again.  
  
"Paige hey!",she grinned widely,"Come over here where everyone else is",she dragged me over to a small table where Jimmy and Spinner sat. I simply gave a small smile to them as I took a seat by Hazel in one of the chairs.  
  
"Hey Paige hows it going?",Jimmy asked me with a smile.  
  
"Just happy about coming back to Degrassi again",I said sarcasticly.He gave a small laugh as I saw Spinner out of the corner of my eye. Looking over to him I noticed he was staring at me weirdley. As soon as he saw me he turned away.  
  
The sound of the noisy bell filled my ears. As people got up gathering there books and heading for homeroom."So who has who first?",gathering my things together as we headed down the halls.  
  
"Hudson...",Hazel said looking at the three of us obviously hoping ours read the same.  
  
I sighed looking at my schedule,"Dune...",frowning at her as last year we had had all our classes together.  
  
"Well, I have Dune",Jimmy said.Spinner nodded,"So do I..."  
  
"Oh great! Im all by myself",Hazel sighed as she headed down the halls opposite us. Looking down the halls at the numerous doors we finally saw one titled Hudson. Opening the door I headed in followed by Spinner and Jimmy. Of course I took a seat in the back not wanting the teacher to take notice of me and ask me a question about myself or anything. The two boys took a seat on either side of me.  
  
I knew most of the people surrounding me. There were a few who were new. Terri walked throught the door. She looked around for a moment then her head turned my direction. I gave her a smile and waved alittle. She sat in the desk infront of me and then turned my way,"Hey Paige",she said getting out her supplies.  
  
"Hey Terri.Whats up?",I asked her. As the teacher walked in not giving her a chance to answer. The woman looked to be in atleast her fifties. She had very round overside glasses on which seemed that would slide off at any given time.  
  
"Hello class",she began looking around the room,"I am Miss Dune"she said frowning as she slid her glasses back up her nose.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My dark hair was down over my shoulders. I pratically jolted up the stairs eager to see my friends from Degrassi. I had not kept contact with any of them besides Emma and I was eager to greet them again.  
  
I shot the door open and looked around for any sign of anyone familiar. Emma sat at a close by table with Toby,Kendra and someone who I could not quite reconize as his back was turned to me. Walking over to the table Emma waved at me. I sat myself on the end chair.  
  
"Hey Manny",Kendra smiled at me as did Toby.I gave them a quick grin and looked over to the guy sitting next to Emma. My eyes went wide as I realized who it was. J.T. This was not the boy from last year I had know. For one thing he looked quite taller. And his hair seemed to have grown out just a tadd that made it look a little curly under that same baseball cap.  
  
"Hey Manny",he said giving me a smile. A smile that could make anyone melt to the floor in peices.  
  
"Hey..",was all I could manage to say. Trying not to look like I was staring a turned my head away a bit. Looking over to Emma she gave me a look. One of those looks saying that she knows. I turned my head away from her. Damn why did she always have to know everything.  
  
The bell rang as everyone gathered there things in there arms I did the same.,"So you Emma ,JT..",I said looking around for Toby or Kendra as I realized they had already went ahead,"Who do you guys have first?",I asked as we headed down the halls.  
  
"Mason..",Jt sighed.,"Me too", I smiled at him.Emma let out a long sigh,"Sosa",she said heading down the halls. I sighed as she did this. The one thing I was afraid of was not having classes with her. Hoping today would turn out okay I pushed through the door ro my class. ~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	2. There thoughts

A/N:First and farmost I would like to thank you all for the lovely reveiws!!Which I was very suprised to see!Oh and from now on when I put up a border thats a start of a new person.Well wanting to know what the guys thought through all of this?Well then why dont you read this chapter?;)  
  
Disclamer:I do not own Degrassi!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Spinner~ 7:45 AM  
  
The morning breeze hit my face as I walked down M'ferry St. It was like any other year as I met Jimmy by the corner. He looked like he had been waiting for a while with his hands in his pockets and giving me a glare. Walking up to him he didnt say anything as we made are way to are prison, okay maybe its not as bad as prison but its pretty damn close. We were of course going back to Degrassi.  
  
We were getting close to our school as he finally made a attempt to make a conversation,"So Spin, another year at school",he said as Hazel ran up.  
  
"Hey Jimmy Spinner! Whats up guys?",Hazel asked with a huge grin on her face.  
  
Jimmy had the same large dumb grin on his face as he continued talking with Hazel. Or should I say flirting. Yes, it was very clear that he had been paying more attention to Hazel right after his split with Ashley. And she seemed to giving the same exact amount of attention to him.  
  
I didnt pay attention to there conversation as we reached the long stairs to are school. The only person that I really looked forward to seeing was Paige. Last year had been very hard for Paige and I knew that. And that was all because that bastard, Dean. Paige had met him last year in our soccer team. She had been invited to his party and had made an excuse to cancel are date stating that her Grandma had become ill. I was furious that she would do something like this to me. But about a week later Hazel had fessed up to me that Paige had been raped. That she had said no. My first instinct was to attack,no kill this guy. But soon after reaching the gym I spotted J.T a boy who had been crushing on Paige already on top of the guy. Dean was heading for the exit when I took a action and tackled the guy. Paige said continusly cries to stop but I wasnt about to let him get away with it. Dean then left and I hadnt spotted him again. And for some strange reason Paige stopped having conversations with me. Sure there was a Hi there and hello and everything. But not like it use to. I just hoped she had recovered and was more open this year.  
  
I took a seat at the nearest table as Jimmy and Hazel did the same still deeply in there conversation. I waited silently to see Paige come up those stairs. And waited and waited. Until finally the blonde gave slowly up looking around. In no time Hazel had jumped up running over to Paige. They talked for a minute and then came and sat by us.  
  
"Hey Paige how is it going?",Jimmy asked her.  
  
"Just happy about coming back to Degrassi again",she said sarcasticly. Then I realized I had been sitting there staring at her blankly she looked over at me as I quickly turned my head and we were dismissed to class. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ashley took my hand gripping it tightly as she gave me a small smile. I did the same in return. This hadnt been such a good summer for me as I hated myself for greiving at the lost of my father. Who I didnt even love. But then why did I keep acting like this. He just beat me.  
We reached the building of Degrassi sooner then I had expected and immedietly Ashley dragged me over to see Terri. Terri was a sweet, shy, and pretty girl. Over the summer we had met up alot finding we had alot more in common then we had thought. She had helped me get over my father due to the fact she had lost her mother. She liked the same music, alot of the same movies, and even wrestling! Which Ashley had referred to as totally immature, fake, and down right stupid. But we would even meet up just to watch it together on Monday nights and discuss the matches. Yeah Terri was a really good friend. Just a friend...right? Sometimes i wondered as I caught myself just studying her face or having so much fun with her. But I loved Ashley and nothing could ever change that..could it?  
As the two girls chatted I spotted Sean walking up the steps and decided to have a quick chat before school with him,"Hey girls Im going to talk to Sean for a bit okay?Seeya girls later.", I said walking off wondering if they had even heard me. But oh well they would figure it out sooner or later. Right now I was prepared to take on my first day of school.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Walking to school with Toby and Kendra at my side I wondered how this school year would turn out. I looked over to see the two flirting alot. They seemed to do this alot this summer. You know what Im talking about..acting totally stupid and saying anything to get that person to think your cool. And thats all he could talk about this summer. What am I going to wear on my date tonight J.T.? What if she doesnt like it, J.T.? I love Kendra, J.T.! I swear it was driving me mad! And I was about to slap the guy.  
Halfway into there conversation we reached the steps of Degrassi. Suddenly I spotted Emma walking a few feet infront of us and I knew it was my chance to get away from the lovebirds so I took it.  
She smiled at me as we reached the doors,"Hey J.T.",she said sitting at a table. I took a seat be her and began sitting my books out.  
"Hey, hows life treating you?",I began getting out neccassary materials.  
  
"Oh you know..Hey here come Toby and Kendra!"she pointed as I rolled my eyes at the two I was getting very annoyed by the pair. Sean came walking with them and all three of them took a seat next to us.  
Everyone seemed to be in deep conversation that I hadnt joined in on as Emman jumped up,"Hey Manny over here!",she called as I glanced around for the burnette. At first not seeing her. But then I spotted her it took me alittle squinting and then I knew it was Manny. And boy had she taken some changes over the summer. Her hair seemed to be slightly longer. Her face seemed older and not to mention her body. She looked as good as Paige!!!  
I have had many conversations with Manny in the past. Most seemed pleasent and we could really open up to eachother as we knew neither would tell. She had been a good friend. But right now I wanted her as something more then a friend.  
  
"Hey guys..." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
There you go your next chapter reveiw!! 


	3. Ending of first days

Thanks for the reveiws and I have to say something to the potty mouth hater..GO BACK TO RATED G STORIES!Man sorry that bugged me in your reveiw. Anyway on with the story;)  
  
Disclamer:I do not own Degrassi  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
First period went by suprisingly fast for me as Miss Dune talked rather fast getting everyhting out of the way and accasionally turning her back where me and Paige could get a few whispers in. Ashley and Craig could be heard laughing in the back quietly. And for some odd reason this drove me insane! It was like they were acting so childish looking at eachother and then turning away giggling. And of course me liking him wasnt helping much either....  
  
Looking at my schedule I saw that my next class was History. I hoped that someone I knew would be in there as I reached the classroom. But dissapointingly Paige and Hazel along with Ashley headed in the room across from mine. Oh great. I let out a sigh as I entered the room looking around for a couple seconds I spotted Craig in one of the back desk. He motioned with his hand at the desk next to him which I gladdly accepted.  
  
"Hello class..",A very high and shrilly voice called loudly through the room. She looked around for a bit till the class was completely quiet.,"I am Mrs. Down.",she might of been waiting for a response as she didnt say anything for about a minute. Finally she continued. But I did not care to listen as my gaze kept going over to Craig whom I realized he wasnt paying attention at the moment either as he seemed to be looking down at his hand.  
  
He looked up at me and smiled as I gave alittle smile myself and a small nod. The older woman continued in her very annoying voice.,"I hope you have all the needy supplies ready as we will start tommarrow",this seemed to go on forever until finally she had let us be on are way to are next class.  
  
"She seems nice..",Craig smiled as we made are way down the halls. Ashley then walked up.,"So how was it?",she asked him as I walked off having no desire to listne farther to the conversation between the couple.  
  
The rest of the day went by pretty fast. As I had picked my favorite among the teachers. And as promised I had waited for Paige till her Spirit Squad practice was over.  
  
We walked home in the dark as practice had taken longer then usually as it was the first day. And Paige always had to stay longer being captain and all. We didnt talk much just a occasional thought here and there. But thats how Paige was lately not wanting to talk much. Just to be left alone which I could understand. Her house was not far from the school and we arrived there quickly.  
  
"Well thanks, Terr. Staying behind and all. Ill seeya tommarow kay?",she said opening the door. Nodding I headed off back down in the direction of my house.  
  
There was a guy standing on the side of the street smoking something. This made me fell uncomfortable. The dark didnt seem to bother me at first and the reason could be that I had Paige there with me. Someone for company.  
  
My house was still a couple of blocks away and I fastened my walk. The man seemed to go in the same direction as me but I kept assuring myself this is the way he had to go and that I was being stupid. He kept a couple feet behind me. I turned the corner of the street as he did the same. This made me even more nervous. Was he following me? I had a bad feeling and wanted to get home as fast as possible.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
First period ended sooner then I thought. I walked down the with Hazel at my side.  
  
"So Paige..who you have next?",she asked me looking down at her schedule.  
  
I found out that she didnt have any classes with me as we compared schedules. She sighed walking off. But this didnt seem to bother me. It was weird I loved being around Hazel my best friend. Going to the mall, talking about boys, or studying together. But these things never seemed appealing to me anymore. I guess I really had changed since last year. Sure I still would wear decent clothes. But it didnt matter as much.  
  
The rest of my day went by very quickly as the bell rang signalling for the end of the day. Which meant spirit squad. And the first day was always the worst. There were new girls that were trying out. And no offense to them or anything but most of them were horrible. But I was captain and thats what i had to do.  
  
The gym was filled with unfamiliar faces. Meaning alots of girls were interested in cheering. And it also meant another thing.A long night. And practice went just as I had expected. There were a few talented girls in the group but most of them were well...lame. And after letting about four girls join the gym was being empytied as I was more then ready to get home. Get home and sleep. And I knew Terri wanted to get home soon also. As she sat in the bleachers looking rather bored. I thought for a moment putting up the mats. Did I really want to be captain of the spirit squad? Do this every night? I knew the answer to that. I didnt want this. Last year I had felt important with the role of captain. But this year cheering seemed pointless. And I wasnt enjoying it anymore.  
  
Mrs.Murray was sitting in the front row of the bleachers scribbling on her notepad. I put the last mat away and walked over to her.  
  
"Mrs. Murray I dont want to do this anymore..",I simply told her. She looked up at me with what seemed to be a confused look.  
  
"What do you mean Paige?",laying her notepad aside she looked up at me.  
  
"Captain. I dont want it anymore...",shaking my head. She looked at me with frown and stood up.  
  
"Why not? Your so good at cheering ,Paige. And you make a good leader. Is there something bothering you?"  
  
"I just dont want it anymore. I dont enjoy it..I just want to quit.",I wasnt feeling up to saying more and dropped my pon poms beside her,"Ill bring back my uniform tommarow",I didnt wait for a answer and headed down to the girls locker room to get my stuff.  
  
Making my way down the halls in there direction I spotted someone at the corner of my eye leaning against the wall. I paid no attention to the unknown person until he stood right infront of me. And then a look of horror reached my eyes. As he reveled himself. Dean. He just stood there looking at me for a second.  
  
"Dean what are you doing here?",stuttering I tried not to look afraid of this boy.  
  
"Spirit. Long time no see. I have some news I think you will like. You will be seeing alot more of me from now on. I transferred schools..."He evily grinned at me.  
  
It took me a couple seconds to understand what he was saying. I was sure I would never have to see this guy again. But I did not press charges. And now here he was infront of me and transferring to Degrassi!  
  
"Dean stay away from me...",I began walking at a fast pace down the halls to the locker rooms.  
  
"Seeya tommarow Spirit!",he called to me laughing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The day had went by miserably so far and I made it to my final class. Science one of my worst subjects. And today the teacher Mr.A had announced that we would be working in the labs today with a assigned partner.  
I immedietly turned to Emma hoping that me and her would be partners. She looked like she hoped so too until the teacher had announced that she would be paired off with Sean and I think she gave the biggest grin I had ever seen her give.  
I sighed wondering he I would have to be with. Hopefully someone halfway decent. He went down the list a pairing people off.. Looking around l at the few remaining people waiting for him to call off my name there werent many.. "Manny....",he seemed to be looking down the paper,"And JT...",he said. My eyes darted over to him as he game me alittle nod and smile. Now I had no probally not getting paired off woth Emma.  
  
"You may all go find a table in the labs to go work in",he said going back to his paper.  
Jt seemed to be already inhead of me and I gladly followed him. It seemed weird crushing on him. I had just thought of him as one of my silly friends. But now I knew I wanted something more. I knew he was a complete hotty but maybe I could get to know him more and start hanging out with him more. And he would maybe start to think of me as girlfriend material someone he would want to date. But a part of me felt bad because of me knowing that Liberty had been in love with the guy forever. And in the past I thought it would be Jt and Liberty but I knew one thing now...Me and Jt all the way,baby!!!  
He picked one of the back desk with a couple chairs and a computer in the corner. Taking a seat beside me he flipped the computer on.  
"So I guess we have to get use to the labs..",he said looking around waiting for the computer to finish loading.  
"I guess so..",I too looked around not wanting to say anything stupid.  
The rest of the class went by smoothly as I tried extra hard not to make myself dorky in any way. The teacher called cleanup and we put away are materials.  
Jt stopped me as I headed out the door,"So Manny. Since we are assigned as lab partners maybe we should study for that test tommarrow. Say maybe your place?",he said rather casually. I was suprised by his offer and of course I would definently want to do it.  
"Ok sure I guess...",shrugging not wanting to look excited by it.  
"Great Ill be over sometime soon after school",he walked away over to Toby and Kendra. And being excited I hurried home.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~* A/N:Please reveiw!!!! 


	4. The Second Day

A/N: Well hello everybody! I know I havent updated in like more than forever and im terribly sorry! I just was wanting to know..is anyone reading this story? Should I continue it? Well On with the story...:)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi....blah..blah..  
  
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I continued my way down the dark street acting like I didnt notice this guy was on my tail. He seemed to begin walking faster as well and this was really freaking me out.  
  
After a couple more minutes I saw my house in eyes view which made me fill much better. I was beginning to wonder of this guy was just playing with my head. As he kept a distance between me and had tried anything yet. I dont know what it was but something made me burst into a run till I reached my door. I opened it quickly slamming it shut and quickly locking it.  
  
After a couple minutes later I knew I had just acted stupid. He was probally on his was to a house nearby. There was no reason to be scared.  
  
That night sleep didnt come easy.  
  
It was the second day of school and feeling better about the day I went up the steps hoping to find Paige or Ashley. But instead I was stopped by a guy. He seemed to just stand there in place standing in my way.  
  
"Umm..Excuse me...",I said waiting for him to move but he made no effort.  
  
"Terri right?",he continued as I nodded.,"Im Rick...",he said putting out his hand in attempt for a handshake. I just stood there blankly looking at his hand stretched out before me. This boy was just playing with me right? He'd probally go back to his friends laughing after this conversation.  
  
After he saw that I was going to return the handshake he put his hand back by his side.,"Ill see you around then?",he said walking off. As he did I realized how cute he was. Im not going to go into details but lets just say he was enough to die for. Maybe he was just being nice? I shook my head erasing the thought as Craig and Ashley walked up to me.  
  
"Hey Terri..whats up?",Ashley asked.  
  
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I took in a deep breath as I got ready to enter my school. 'Its school its not like he can do anything..',I kept telling myself all night. But still seeing his face was just enough. Dean would be here today. And if I was luck I wouldnt see him.  
  
I met Jimmy, Hazel and Spinner and the same table as yesterday. Jimmy and Spinner gave me a small smile and then went back to talking. Hazel looked at me,"Paige...Mrs Murray said you quit...the squad.",I nodded and made no attempt to give her a response.  
  
Then I saw him. He was walking with a couple guys as they were laughing at a joke he had made apparently. My stomach began to turn as he smiled at me. Hazel turned to see what I was looking at. She stood there with her mouth open turned in my direction,"Dean? Here?", she asked as he dissapeared behind the corner.  
  
I didnt want to talk anymore. Grabbing my bag I headed to the girl's bathroom. Atleast I knew I wouldnt have to see him in there. The bell rang making me enter the halls and make it to homeroom.  
  
Terri sat there smiling at me and acting rather cheerful. Craig sat at her side and seemed to be drawing on his hand. Terri had always had something for Craig. She never told me..I just knew. In fact it was easy to tell. I was suprised Ashley hadnt noticed this yet. Or maybe she had...I didnt know. But Terri's attention seemed to be focused on something else I noticed as I took a seat behind her. She turned around to face me,"Paige....",she trailed off,"What do you think of Rick?"  
  
I knew then what she was her she had been focussed on. Glancing at him he wasnt bad looking...but not really my type I noted. Giving her a shrug,"Oh...I dont know.",I didnt say anything else to her as my attention went to my stuff. She seemed dissapointed by my answer. But didnt say anything else.  
  
Not wanting to think of Dean I tried doodling while the teacher talked on a small scrap of paper. Not spending anytime listening to the teacher I kept doodling little things like smiley faces and such. But then I looked down at my paper stopping and realizing what had been written,'I just want to die....', taking a deep breath I beleived this at first. But then I grabbed my eraser erasing it all. I went back to listening the best I could to the teacher.  
  
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That night with Jt didnt go near as good as I would of wanted it too. After about five minutes of getting all our supplies ready he received a phone call from his mother saying he needed to get home quick. He gave me some an apology then left. I sighed looking back down to my homework.  
  
It was then I sat and really thought. I had tried doing with something with Sully this year. That I didnt mention but I was rejected. I realized soon after that I was just found 'cute'. Not dating material. Especially for a guy like Sully. I had made my decision, tommorow I was not showing up as 'cute'. I was going to be 'hot'. And maybe that...could atleast make Jt take more than a second glance at me.  
  
I had planned my outfit carefully for that day. Making sure it was perfect. Making sure there was nothing wrong.  
  
Taking a deep breath I then walked up the few steps to Degrassi and headed in. The first thing I saw was Toby,Jt, Kendra, Emma trying to as it seemed like comfort Jt. I looked at him more closly and realized Jt looked like he might cry. I walked over quickly as they looked up at me. If they noticed my new look they didnt say anything.  
  
"Something wrong?",I asked worridly.  
  
Jt shook his head walking off followed by Toby. Changing my focus on Emma I waited for an answer.  
  
"Jt...Jt's dad died."  
  
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A/N:Good? Bad? Should I continue it? Please let me know! 


	5. Ending of Second Days

A/N: I want to thank everyone who reviewed!!! That just makes my day coming to the computer and seeing them!^^ Hopefully this chapter will be better and more active. Well on with this story...  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi...blah..blah...blah  
  
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After having a quick conversation with Ashley, which I have to say I wasn't in the mood for. It seemed me and Ashley had drifted apart recently. Sure we tried to keep close like we use to be. But things just could'nt be the same and we knew that. But we accepted that. It seemed that I didnt really have any close friends. Yes, I had 'friends' but...well how can I say this? There not really close friends. People I can just say hello to in the hall. Or people that were always near so I wouldnt be alone. But I accepted that....Although I hate to admit it..I worry about fitting in. I worry about what people say and think. I just do.....  
  
Paige passed me in the hallway. She didnt say anything. Or give any hint that she noticed me. It was then that I 'really' noticed how different Paige was from last year. She didnt seem to want to be the center of attention anymore...which I have to admit I always hated. She didnt want to talk anymore. Hazel had informed me that she had even quit the squad. Which she had loved. She had loved bragging to me that she was the spirit squad captain. She had loved showing me her newest routines. But now she didnt say much. I shrugged. She just going through a time.  
  
Stopping in the hallways for a brief second. Rick was about to walk right pass me but he stopped and turned to me.  
  
"Terri..hello..again.",he paused.,"Listen I know we dont know each other very good. But I was thinking that we could..you know.",he continued on as he saw that I wasn't going to give a response,"Do something...I know we dont know eachother very well but I was thinking that we could go see a movie or go get a bite to eat. Or whatever you want...",being in to much shock to reply. He watched me stand there for what seemed to be an enternity to me.,"Or not?",he said beggining to walk off.  
  
Being afraid to say yes..that this might be a joke I just stood there like a 'idiot'. The I began to regain controll of myself. 'Come on Terri...if you dont say yes now, he might never ask you out again. And I knew this was right, I mean I couldnt just wait for Craig. I had to realize he had a girlfriend.  
  
"Wait.", walking after him he stopped and turned back to me.,"Yeah..It sounds great..", I said smiling waiting for an answer. He let out a small laugh. 'Oh god...', I though silently. Im so stupid. He tricked me. "Okay...I get it..", heading of in the other direction he stopped me.  
  
"Terri wait...it would be great to go...how about tonight? Or is that to soon?", I let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Thats great...",I slapped myself later for souding over excited.  
  
"Okay we can meet at the Dot then. At six..", he smiled walking away from me.  
  
A grin over took my face. A boy had finally asked me out. And not just any guy...A hot guy!  
  
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A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I was glad that the day was atleast halfway over. Lunch was next which was something I was not looking forward to. Hazel sat there and Im sure she'd be dying to talk about Dean. Not being in the mood I entered the overcrowded cafeteria and took the seat that Hazel had saved for me. I hated to say it but it was my only option. So people were standing it was so crowded. So I plopped down beside her.  
  
She gave me the 'we need to talk in private look' but I ignored it. And looked down at the table. Looking up I saw Spinner looking at me. He turned his head going back to his conversation with, Jimmy. Taking a good look at the 'very' disgusting cafeteria. The one person I didnt want to see was sitting all the way on the other end of the cafeteria. Dean. He was just sitting there smiling at me. Not doing anything but smiling at me. And I found this smile evil. Standing up I didnt want to see his face and more I began to stop off. Out of this place. Stupidly I didnt look where I was going and before I knew it I hit the ground. Milk, chocolate milk went everywhere. Not to mention all over me. Not making a noise I looked up to see who had did this to me. It was Craig. I stood up quickly.  
  
"You idiot!",I stomped out of the cafateria not looking at his expression. I was fustrated after reaching the restroom. After getting 'most' of the milk off me. I realized how stupid I had acted. He probally hadn't even meant to. I shook my head.  
  
I don't think a word escaped my lips the rest of that day. Hazel kept trying to talk to me but I ignored her. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible. I felt like talking to someone but I realized I didn't really have anyone to talk to. I didn't even think I had said more than two words to most people the last couple days of school.  
  
Grabbing my backpack quickly I headed out passing the gym. Glancing in for a second as I walked by I stopped to realize that Hazel was leading the squad now. But I didnt care I just kept walking. Not watching where I was walking I turned my head back ahead and bumped right into Spinner.  
  
"Oh....",I paused looking at him for a second.,"Im sorry...", walking around him I continued on my way.  
  
"Paige..wait..", he said catching up with me.,"Are you heading home? Want some company?", I merely nodded as he followed me out.  
  
We were about a block or two away from my house when Spinner finally spoke up,"So.....", he continued on as I didnt say anything.,"How have you been?"  
  
Not looking away from the street infront of me I responded,"Im fine...and how are you?"  
  
"Im good...",he nodded. We didn't say anything for a couple more minutes. I felt him looking at me.,"Paige...whats wrong?"  
  
I put a look of confusion on my face," Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?", had he seen Dean? I shook my head. Its not like he'd say anything about it anyways.  
  
"Wrong why would anything be wrong?"  
  
He paused," Your just different this year. Your quiet. I dont think you said more than two words to me..."  
  
"So Im more quiet...who cares..", I said trying to get off the subject as we approached my house.  
  
"Paige, I saw Dean. He hasnt tried anything has he...I talked to-",  
  
I stopped walking., "You talked to him!? Why would you talk to him!?", he opened his mouth to answer but I stopped him,"Spinner would you just stop!? Its none of your bussiness about whats going on with Dean.", I stopped into the house before he could reply and slammed the door behind me.  
  
Stomping up to my room and not paying any attention to Dylan I plopped on my bed looking to the ceiling. After thinking for a few minutes I realized how much I had missed Spinner. Last year he was always so goofy and easy to talk to. And I missed that. I missed that alot. 'I hate myself....', I thought to myself. And I did really at the moment. I thought back to my doodling and I realized it was true I did want to die. I wanted everything to be over.  
  
There was a razor sitting on my bathroom cabinet and I don't know what came over me but I scooped it up and started inspecting it. The memories came back of my cousin. I was just about seven and I was in her room with her. Jenny was her name. Sitting on her bed I watched Jenny. She was in her bathroom. I heard crying and I stood up peering in. Jenny was standing over the sink a blade in one hand. There was blood all over her hands and she was sobbing uncontrobally. She looked up to me and jumped up,"Paige get out!", she yelled rinsing away the evidence. I finally spilled to me mom a few days later what Jenny had been doing. Her mom made her get help right away and she was better now. Infact she was a grade 'A' student and studying to be a teacher at the moment.  
  
'Just one time....', I heard about other girls doing it. It made them feel better. When there lives were not doing so well. They felt like they had some control. Or so I read. 'Just one time..', I repeated and went for it. I slit my wrist quickly. And as soon as I realized it didnt hurt to badly I did the other one.  
  
Realizing what I was doing I dropped the razor quickly.'What am I doing!?', I rushed to the bathroom watching off the evidence. That was the wrong thing and I knew it. And I made myself promise I would never do it again.  
  
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My eyes were wide as I was shocked of hearing the news. Jt's dad died? I knew right away that was why he was called home last night. The bell rang for homeroom and Emma and me didn't talk much more. We entered Mr. Simpson's class and took a seat in our usually places. Next to Jt and Toby. Jt didn't look up to us he seemed focused on his blank computer screen.  
  
Liberty walked over taking a seat next us,"Manny? What are you wearing?", she asked as I remembered my clothes. I shook my head. Glancing over to Jt he didnt make any movments, he just sat there. Nodding once in awhile in response to Toby.  
  
Class began a few minuted later as we were learning all the basics of html. Which most of us new already. Finishing mine I glanced over to see how Jt was doing. He hadnt even started. Mr Simpson didnt seem to mind though. I figured he had probally been reported about the situation.  
  
After a couple of classes and not much of a difference of attitude from Jt it was lunch time. Putting away things in my locker that I no longer needed at the corner of my eye I spotted Jt. He appeared to be exiting the building.  
  
"Wait...Jt..",I said walking over he looked back and even mananged to give me a small smile.  
  
"Hey..Manny...I think Im just going to head out about now...", I blocked his path.  
  
"Jt...are you okay?" , I asked concerned. I had lost my mother not to long ago myself. And I knew it was tough. And let me assure you he acted alot braver than I did.  
  
"Manny Im fine...Im just not feeling well...",he paused as I saw tears coming out at the rims of his eyes. And he was doing his very best to hold them in,"I think Im just catching something. That....bug....thats going around..", I didnt say anything,"Well, Ill see you later...",he then pushed open the door and exited.  
  
I watched him go with sadness. He was real hurt. And I knew he needed some time to himself. Maybe I would IM him tonight or something...  
  
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Please Reveiw!!!! 


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